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My Dark Vanessa is the debut novel from Kate Elizabeth Russell. It is the story of a predatory teacher who flatters, manipulates, and grooms a troubled teenaged student into a sexual relationship. This novel spans seventeen years of the victim’s life – from age fifteen to thirty-two.

It is the year 2000. Fifteen year old Vanessa Wye is a precocious but lonely student at Browick, a private boarding high school. Unable to keep up with her peers socially or academically, Vanessa keeps to herself and carries a painful inferiority complex. She’s disorganized and frequently loses things, resulting in constant criticism from her teachers. Her relationship with her parents is distant and strained.

Then she meets Jacob Strane, her seemingly caring forty-two year old English teacher. Jacob takes a special interest in Vanessa, connecting with her through poetry and spending time with her outside of class. Vanessa is rapturous. Jacob becomes the first person in her life to make her feel special, wanted, beautiful. He gives her a copy of Lolita, marked up with his notes, and asks her to read it. Before long his charming admiration evolves to touching, and then more. The first time Jacob invites Vanessa to his house, he assures her that she controls what happens. He promises a simple night of dinner, television and nothing more if that was all she wanted. Yet, when she arrives, there is no dinner, no option of television. He leads her to his bedroom, and pulls out a pair of strawberry printed pajamas for her to wear. Once they are in bed, he asks her permission, but then he acts before she can answer. Over time, the sordid relationship continues, but Vanessa never thinks of Jacob as an abuser because, in her mind, she allowed it and was an active participant. She falls in love with him. Nobody ever made her feel so special, so valued, so loved. Jacob manipulates Vanessa into keeping their secret hidden. He tells her that if they are ever exposed, she would branded for life, kicked out of school, sent to a foster home and may even go to juvenile hall. Jacob also tells Vanessa that he would go to prison and his life would be ruined too. As a master at turning blame on the victim, Jacob constantly reminds Vanessa that because of her, he is always under a cloud of suspicion. Vanessa apologizes and he “forgives” her. As suspicions grow and rumors spread around campus, Vanessa goes to great lengths to protect Jacob, and sacrifices herself in doing so. I was infuriated with so many of the characters. Jacob wasn’t the only person who victimized Vanessa. There were many other adults who had suspicions but chose to look the other way – other teachers, school administrators, even her own mother.

Seventeen years later, Vanessa is thirty-two and still in contact with Jacob, still refuses to believe that she was ever a victim, and still blames herself for what happened. It is now 2017 and the #MeToo movement is underway. Jacob is now being publicly accused of sexually abusing another former student, whose descriptions of his “grooming” are eerily familiar to Vanessa. Still, she believes Jacob’s version of what happened and stands by him, refusing to expose their relationship. But before long, five more students come forward with the same allegations. As Vanessa struggles to make sense of the claims, Jacob’s denials, and the hounding press wanting her story, she must come to terms with how her past has defined her life, even well into adulthood.

Abuse takes many forms. Sometimes it is blatantly cruel, openly barbaric, explicit and undeniable. Other times, it is hidden under a disguise – buried deeply beneath an illusion of love; an illusion that becomes a magnet to the young and vulnerable. Readers can certainly understand how a trusting fifteen year old who hungers for love can fall into a trap. However, one may wonder how years later as an adult, Vanessa still didn’t “get” that she was victimized, still thought it was ok, let it continue for years, and never even mentioned it to her therapist until much later in the book. I was struck by Vanessa’s continued insistence on defending Jacob for almost two decades, and how his hold on her remained so strong after all that time. It was clear Vanessa’s experience with Jacob shaped her decisions later in life – how she sought love, how she measured her worth, how she handled adult relationships. She carried life-long damage each and every day, perhaps without even knowing it. It was as if Vanessa was still that teenager frozen in time, never having evolved beyond that point – not emotionally, not professionally, not personally, and not sexually. Her sexual relationships during adulthood remained unhealthy, even vile. Jacob Strane colored her whole world and robbed her entire existence. One has to wonder if her response to what happened (or lack thereof) was simply a coping mechanism, a way to avoid facing what actually happened by making it something it was not. If Vanessa convinced herself that she was responsible and a willing participant, then in her mind the situation somehow becomes less harmful, less threatening, less out of her control. Subconsciously, it seemed like she kept the truth buried and continued with what was familiar, because to do otherwise would mean acknowledging something horrible, something she couldn’t face.

Russell did a brilliant job of bringing dangerous societal fault lines to the surface. My Dark Vanessa speaks volumes about our culture and how badly we have failed victims of sexual abuse. Perhaps our society bears some responsibility for misplaced blame, the silencing of victims, the shaming of those who have suffered at the hands of predators. Women gather the courage to come forward, only to be met with death threats. Men in powerful positions abuse women, simply because they think they can. We hear so much about the perpetrators, but little about their victims. I loved how Russell demonstrated the long term effects of abuse by creating a novel that followed a victim over several years, allowing the reader to know the victim deeply and see the impact over time.

My Dark Vanessa is heavy but engaging. Russell delves deeply and honestly into a once taboo subject, providing a much needed voice to a victim of sexual abuse. Set in the beautiful state of Maine, Russell created an abundance of sensory details that easily place the reader in those surroundings. This novel is a well written, appropriately paced, highly emotional and deeply thought provoking read. The book moves between 2000 and 2017 and the transitions flow smoothly and clearly. I plowed through the 369 pages quickly because every page offered important substance that kept the story moving forward. Kate Elizabeth Russell did an outstanding job and I highly recommend My Dark Vanessa for adult readers.

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Diane-Lyn