Love in the Archives, a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss – Eileen Vorbach Collins

                                                    Hello Followers,

Lydia

I first learned of Eileen Vorbach Collins’ story on Today.com.  As an educator and mother, it left me heartbroken, fearful and wanting answers. I want to thank Eileen Vorbach Collins for sharing her journey with the world, and for helping to break down the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide.

Lydia was a beautiful, highly intelligent, talented and nature-loving fifteen year old girl.  But on December 18th, 1999, she ended her life.  It goes without saying that Lydia’s decision shattered everything, absolutely everything,  for those who loved her. In Love in the Archives,  her mother shares Lydia’s story and her own journey in the aftermath of an unthinkable tragedy.

Love in the Archives is a collection of essays that not sequential, although the timeline of events is clear. Straight from the heart, Eileen’s gift of words so authentically presents the impact of suicide and the incomparable grief of losing a child.  Facing anniversaries,  second-guessing every decision, the haunting whys, whys, whys – and eventually finding ways to honor Lydia’s memory, learning to hope and laugh again. One year at a time.

Collins opens up intimately about her grief, but does so in neither a textbook nor a self pitying sort of way.  Instead, she presents her grief as her own, unapologetically rejecting societal rules for grieving.  She writes, “For all the experts who think we should be over it, I’m going to light up my brain with images of you (Lydia) as often as I can. You’re my addiction and I’ll cry if I want to.”

Lydia was gifted, and her gifts were both a blessing and a burden. Her high school advisor said of Lydia, “Her profound intelligence compelled her to see the contradictions, evils, and hypocrisies of the world with terrifying clarity. Worse for her was her exquisite sensitivity to the pain in the world”.  Collins writes about her daughter’s burden of perspicacity. As I read this memoir, it became clear that Lydia thought deeply, felt deeply and loved deeply.  She was highly reflective and acutely aware of our fractured world – to the point where it hurt. To the point where her pain was intolerable.

Collins details a multi-dimensional view into her life. She candidly describes her own painful childhood and the embarrassment she felt over her mother’s illnesses; childhood shame that later morphed into guilt and regret. She shares the struggles of an interfaith marriage, a difficult divorce, the complexities of single parenting, and the pain of unimaginable loss. Collins interweaves nature and symbolism into her chapters, creating a lovely balanced work honoring a beautiful life that ended too soon.

I will never forget something that was said many years ago when I dropped my daughter off for her first day of  first grade.  I stood among a group of other moms on the playground , each of us saying our goodbyes and waving as our children were lined up and gently herded into the building. “Well,” said the mother standing next to me, “society has got them now.” She was right. One thing that parenting has taught me is that, despite our best efforts, we ultimately have very little control over what our children will face.  Social pressures and peer cruelty, expectations, and genetics all play a significant role in our children’s lives and happiness.  Lydia could have been anyone’s daughter. None of us are immune.  As parents, we do our absolute best to protect our children, but there are so many other moving parts in their lives – much of which we will never even know about.

Love in the Archives is an extremely well written and gripping account of a mothers pain and resilience following a horrific loss. Her account is raw, poignant and honest. Love in the Archives is a must read for all parents, educators, and clinicians.  I highly recommend this book.

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review. My opinions remain my own.

                Every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings.

Seeing Eye Girl: A Memoir of Madness, Resilience, and Hope, Beverly J. Armento

***Release Date: July 5. 2022

Hello Readers, I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to read and review this powerful, emotional memoir – Seeing Eye Girl by Beverly J. Armento. Many thanks to Jackie Karneth at Books Forward for the invite and ARC. Adults who were wounded as children, as well as anybody in the education profession, will connect with Beverly’s journey on so many levels. Enjoy my review, and thank you for visiting The Cozy Book Blog. Best, Diane-Lyn

                                                   

                                                   Seeing Eye Girl, Beverly J. Armento

Beverly Armento grew up during the 1940s / 1950s; the eldest of four children. She spent her childhood caring for her blind mother – a selfish, mentally ill and abusive woman. Beatings, frequent moves, poverty, deplorable living conditions, an absent father and a mother’s paranoid delusions took center stage in Beverly’s life for decades. Each and every day, Beverly struggled for safety, survival and her own sanity. She found herself escaping into books and fantasizing of a better life elsewhere. Her only real escape, however, was school. School became Beverly’s sanctuary, her safe place, her refuge from a horrific and unpredictable home life. Beverly loved school – a place where she felt valued and nurtured. God sent this child a team of angels in the form of teachers. It was Beverly’s teachers who saw her potential, mentored her and ultimately helped to save her. Over time, Beverly learned to compartmentalize her emotional self, becoming “weak Beverly” at home and “strong Beverly” at school. During school hours, Beverly was transformed into a confident, hopeful and happy child; a child who felt safe and was able to blossom. Education became her ticket out of a troubled world – a ray of hope in a hopeless situation. Beverly did eventually make it out, but escaping was a painful process and one that plagued her with overwhelming guilt. Even after leaving, her life did not go on unscathed. The emotional aftermath of Beverly’s ordeal continued to follow her despite breaking ties with her mother and her past. Beverly’s tremendous resilience resulted from getting appropriate help, working very hard on herself and coming to terms with her past in order to save her future.

Seeing Eye Girl is a well organized, well written, and riveting narrative of surviving and thriving against so many odds. From the first page, I was completely absorbed in Beverly’s story. The writing is solid, thorough and detailed, but maintained a good pace. I enjoyed the interwoven historical context; racial segregation, the Brown vs. Board of Education case, the tragic assassination of President Kennedy. Armento did an excellent job of embedding the state of our nation into her personal world. Seeing Eye Girl is a realistic and honest account of abuse, the lingering effects of ongoing trauma, and the shame and fear that kept her silent for so many years. This book is an inspiration to anybody with a troubled background trying to find their way. As an educator, I found this book highly relatable; a poignant reminder of some of the frightened, hurting children who have walked through my classroom doors, in desperate need of a positive adult role model. By sharing her story, Armento has created a tribute to teachers and a reminder that our work matters. It truly matters. In her own teaching career, Beverly was able to give her students what she got from her teachers. A teacher’s power and influence create ripple effects on young lives for years to come.

If you enjoyed Tara Westover’s Educated, you will love Seeing Eye Girl. There is nothing more empowering than watching a once broken child evolve into healthy adulthood; rising up through strength, courage, and the indomitable power of education. I highly recommend Seeing Eye Girl – a moving, unforgettable story of hope, trust in God, and resilience. Bravo!

**To purchase Seeing Eye Girl. simply click this link: Amazon. Please note that this is an affiliate link, which only means that when you click the link and purchase the book, I receive a tiny commission at no additional cost to you. Happy reading!

About the Author

 

 

BEVERLY J. ARMENTO: Inspired by the many teachers who mentored her, Beverly J. Armento became an educator and enjoyed a fifty-year career, working with middle school children as well as prospective teachers. Retired now, she is Professor Emerita at Georgia State University, and holds degrees from The William Paterson University, Purdue University, and Indiana University. She currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia. Her memoir, “Seeing Eye Girl,” was awarded a bronze medal from the IPPY awards. For more information, please visit: www.beverlyarmentoauthor.com

Credit: Erin Brauer Photography

To enjoy an interview with the author, Beverly J Armento: click here

 

 

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Once More We Saw Stars, Jayson Greene

Ask any parent to tell you their worst nightmare, and the universal response is always the same – losing a child. Jayson and Stacy Greene lived through this unimaginable tragedy on the day they lost their two year old daughter, Greta, in a horrible accident. Once More We Saw Stars, Jayson Greene, is the true story of a couple’s life-altering loss, excruciating grieving process, and finding the strength to carry on.

It started out as a lovely day in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Susan (Stacy’s mother) was babysitting her granddaughter, Greta. They stopped for a rest on a bench, enjoying a conversation about a show they had seen the night before, and completely unaware that eight stories above them, a windowsill was crumbling. Then, a brick fell. It fell hard and fast, cruelly landing on Greta’s head. She was rushed to the hospital where she underwent emergency surgery. When her terrified parents arrived, they were given the worst possible news – Greta had suffered an extensive brain injury. She would not survive.

Devastated, Jayson and Stacy were faced with only one heart-wrenching option – they had to say goodbye to their daughter. Sobbing, they held Greta’s little hands and sang her lullabies “Hi monkey,” my wife says. “We didn’t get very much time together. It wasn’t enough, was it?” Later, wanting Greta’s life to have meaning, they made the decision to donate her organs.

The next part of the book takes us through the services and the grieving process – numbness, anger, grief, sadness, wondering what would have been, if only. Jayson is reminded of Greta everywhere he goes. They try desperately for some sense of normalcy, and return back to work just two weeks after coming home while still in shock. Jayson spends his lunch hours walking to a nearby empty field, a place where he can be alone to cry, to talk to Greta, to express his pain and anger, and to scream out loud.

Through their grieving process there is, of course, insurmountable pain – but their love for one another and determination to survive are also evident. As grief weighs heavily upon them, they work so hard to connect spiritually with Greta in order to keep her in their lives. Perhaps this is the key to surviving the loss of a child. If parents can connect with them spiritually, then they are not completely gone. The child remains in their lives, but in a different way. Together, Jayson and Stacy attend a grief support seminar, where they work with a medium. At the seminar, Jayson tells Greta: “Hi sweetie,”…. Daddy and Mommy want to be OK for you, because you loved us happy.” This was an important step in their healing.

Later, they relocate and start over. Stacy becomes pregnant again. They also travel to New Mexico and participate in a grief retreat, where they connect even more deeply with Greta’s spirit. No parent ever gets over losing a child, but they did seem to come to an acceptance as they incorporated Greta into their lives in a spiritual way.

I’m sure it goes without saying that Jayson and Stacy Greene are exceptional people on so many levels. The most tragic situation was also a beautiful story of love, strength and resilience. Many marriages do not survive the loss of a child. For Jayson and Stacy, the pain of their loss seemed to intensify their love for each other rather than drive them apart. They leaned on each other for strength and support, grieving together through impossible depths of sadness. Their unbreakable bond and commitment to each other flowed steadily throughout the book. They worked so hard to be whole, and eventually found the courage to become parents once more. Truly, these are amazing people.

Once More We Saw Stars is about unthinkable loss, the will to survive and the endurance of the human spirit. Jayson Greene’s memoir comes right from the heart and tenderly enfolds the reader into his personal journey through the grieving process. Sad but inspirational, this memoir is a well-written, well organized, and deeply emotional page turner that I highly recommend. You will fall in love with this family and you will never forget their story.

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky. Rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they they are happy. – Eskimo Proverb

To purchase on Amazon, click here. This is an affiliate link, which only means that when you click the link and purchase the book, I receive a tiny commission at no additional cost to you. My opinions remain my own.

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Educated: A Memoir, Tara Westover

Educated, Tara Westover, is an inspirational, autobiographical memoir that takes us on a journey through a highly dysfunctional, fundamentalist and, at times, abusive upbringing to an ivy league education.

Westover, the youngest of seven children, was raised in an isolated, mountainous area in Idaho. Her Mormon parents, “Gene” and “Faye” were radical survivalists. Gene had a paranoid conviction that government officials were plotting against him, and responded by readying supplies and making preparations for an FBI siege. Fearing that the educational system was all about brainwashing, public school was forbidden and the Westover children were homeschooled. The children were birthed at home because their parents rejected the medical establishment. Faye, a holistic herbalist, treated every injury and illness with herbal remedies. The children were repeatedly denied medical care of any kind, even in serious, life-threatening situations.

Tara spent much of her childhood assisting her mother with herbs, and tending to the dangerous work in her father’s junk yard. During her teens, she endured physical abuse from her brother, “Shawn”, who took pleasure in repeatedly humiliating and beating her. Although Tara’s parents were made aware of the abuse, they refused to intervene on her behalf and at times, wouldn’t even acknowledge that it happened.

When Tara made a decision at 16 to properly educate herself, she got ahold of a study guide, devoured the contents, and against all odds, passed the ACT exam. From there, she was accepted to Brigham Young University. Despite her father’s staunch disapproval, Tara held her ground and left the only world she ever knew. After 17 years of never stepping foot in a classroom, Tara started college. She soon discovered, however, that the path between her sheltered existence and the educated world would prove bumpy. Being part a large university with no real world exposure was a challenge to say the least, and she embarrassed herself on more than few occasions. Westover recalled a lecture in which she innocently raised her hand and asked what the Holocaust was, which infuriated people because they thought she was intentionally denying it. Her roommates took issue with her lack of hygiene when she continually neglected to wash her hands after using the bathroom. Even years later, as her education continued and she climbed the ladder to the ivy leagues, she still struggled with the refined settings – evident by her lack of proper attire at formal gatherings. She had to learn and grow over time, all while battling an inner struggle between embracing her new life and remaining loyal to her roots and to the family that betrayed her on so many levels.

The themes! Oh, the themes! Where shall I begin? Social hierarchy and class distinction, mental illness, family values, abuse, and of course, education. Education is a means to self improvement, but it can draw a dividing line between two completely worlds. It seems that her parents felt threatened by Tara’s achievements and independence. I wonder if this comes from a loss of control, their irrational fear of the outside world, or perhaps even selfishness (don’t better yourself so I can feel better about myself). Still, it is difficult to grapple with parents who intentionally hold their children back, or reject them for choosing their own path. In Westover’s case, it seems that the parents were so terrified of anything outside of their own existence, but yet they ignored the many real dangers right inside their own home.

While much of Educated accounts Gene’s mental illness and extremism, I was most taken aback by Faye’s refusal to protect Tara. With motherhood comes a primal urge, as well as a responsibility, to protect one’s child. When Tara confronted Faye about her physically abusive brother, Faye allowed the abuse to continue, and even downplayed it in order to protect (and enable) the abuser. History was rewritten at the expense of the victim, as is so often the case in highly dysfunctional families.

When Westover transitioned into the ivy league world, there was such a contrast between her own background and that of her new peer group. Social hierarchy and class distinction are always alive and well. When she found herself among the wealthy and extremely well bred, she had to adapt, navigate and learn. Refusing to return to the familiar, she persevered and earned her place among those in her new surroundings – but against much greater odds.

Tara Westover did a brilliant job of taking the reader through her journey and transformation. Educated is well balanced, well written, and flowed beautifully from start to finish. She is an inspiration and reminds us that there are no excuses for not rising above a challenging situation and succeeding. Westover’s journey has earned her the respect of highly successful and influential people (Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey to name just a couple). I highly recommend this memoir. Grab a copy and enjoy it. You won’t regret it!

Note: To be fair, some members of the Westover family have disputed Educated and denied Tara’s account of their family life.

“An education is not so much about making a living as making a person.” – Tara Westover

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